Organizing a Super Bowl party can be very stressful. Especially when you think a certain family member is hosting but decides at the last minute it will not be taking place. The projected guests hear the news via group text and start to scramble like a Hasidic man filing a building permit.
Kim, my sister in law, had every intention to host the party as planned but my brother was to busy hunting rabid black squirrel & ordering the assassination of an innocent ground hog who just wanted to see his shadow.
Within minutes we had the situation under control as my sister in law grabbed my brother by his cow murdering nuts and said “we are hosting Super Bowl so start making macaroni dumbass!”
We all had a sense of relief. Now came the argument of a what time the festivities should begin. Suggestions of the start time varied amongst the anxious guests. My cousin Tara, who has hosted more parties than Steve Rubell, suggested we begin at the crack of dawn with Tequila Sunrises in hand. Not a bad idea and I was on board but Super Bowl is a long day. My sister Gina agreed to that start time like a Chinese man at a Blackjack table. My wife fought hard for the party to only last an hour so she could get home and catch up on episodes of “Teen Mom” and drink ice water with lemon. After 395 group text messages, we settled for a 3pm start time. Tara was naturally pissed but understood and made it clear she will be arriving at 11am regardless driving her fully stocked roll up bar.
Next challenge was the menu. Joe Dirocco, my cousin, offered to make 17 types of chicken wings. Only problem is this genius doesn’t own a deep fryer. I offered to make a chili and strongly recommended all attending to wear depends and buy stock in baby wipes. My sister in law Debbie offered to construct 37 fucking snicker doodle desert platters as her husband Jeffery Michael complained about the lack of Cocoa Puffs in the pantry and depletion of whole milk in the refrigerator. Either way we figured it out and all is set for this iconic day in sports.
The biggest surprise of the entire conversation was nobody even knew who was playing in the Super Bowl or what time it actually started. My wife Alana interjected and said “Pats vs. Falcons 6:30pm” morons. We all froze solid like the victims of the Titanic. Her response was “I googled it”. Brilliant. Who would have thought of that. She’s so smart.
Can’t wait. Gonna be fun as always. I have the best family. The Super Bowl blog should be interesting.