Ordering Chinese Takeout

Chinese take out is personally one of my favorites. I can pretty much eat anything on the menu which includes more items than a Walmart.

Walking into one of these establishments is a life altering experience and seems to be the same no matter which one you enter. As the unclean glass door swings open your sense of smell escalates. The sound of burning oil and vicious flames flare in the background.

As you look to the right, a Chinese cook armed with chopsticks tosses grains of rice down his throat like he’s the drummer from Metallica.

As you look to the left, you glance upon a fish tank full of algae and it’s occupants are floating at the top gasping for their last precious breath.

You finally make it the the counter constructed of old formica as a Chinese lady dressed like an Eskimo awaits your order simply because they don’t believe in heating the joint. She stares impatiently as you try to speed read the menu and always wind up ordering something you didn’t actually want. You realize this when you get home and comfortably read the menu again as you consume the food you were basically forced to order.

Before you can sit down the cashier is demanding payment which is always in a higher sales tax bracket.

As you wait for your order, you investigate the reading material they offer. Auto Sales and Real Estate magazines are always my first choice.

Interested in what the newly available specials are, they never disappoint in the display of these ads which consist of old handwritten faded crumpled pieces of computer paper adhered to the wall with duct tape from the 1980’s when egg rolls were a quarter

.Right  before your order is complete you cannot help but notice several cooks shouting and bickering at each other waiving freshly sharpened knives over who burnt the spare ribs.

It truly is a wonderful adventure and I do hope everybody gets a chance to experience this in their lifetime.

4 Replies to “Ordering Chinese Takeout”

  1. Chinese is an interesting topic .. for me I over do it maybe once every 2 months ..you look at the menu & say I want this & this & this ohh I’d like to try that ..ya get home stuff yer face & at 1130pm yer back at it in the fridge . hitting the microwave slobbering over the counter go to bed with the growling churning grease howling in yer belly & then …. a Fart that would end a marriage .. there is still leftovers that you eat for the next two days ..almost to the point that ya wanna puke & then .. Fullfilment =) see ya in two or three months ( Whats the best Chinks take out in our area ????

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