Family trip to New York City. Now I’m broke!

I consider myself extremely lucky and fortunate to have the opportunity to live just north of New York City. Twenty minutes driving time to be exact.

Taking advantage of the Big City and all it has to offer can be quite challenging at times. The rather quick and adventurous journey can often lead to financial distress, extreme road rage, three flat tires and consumption of a 14 day old hot dog along with pretzels that taste like cigarette ash.

Somehow some way, my family and I recently found time between our busy schedules to enjoy a nice day in The Big Apple!

Our destination was the infamous Madame Tussaud’s. An iconic museum that displays perfectly sculpted detailed life like wax figures of celebrities, musicians, sports icons and political leaders.

Excited for a day spent with the family, we still faced the task of getting to our destination.

The trip naturally began with my sons demanding a Starbucks Frappachino and a confirmed time they will be fed. I replied, “grab a bag of cheez-its and some chlorine infused tap water” as I am no stranger to what was to come.

All started out nicely as we enjoyed the sounds of Eddie Money Pandora Radio playing in the background. We weaved and bobbed our heads as a family singing along to Mr Money’s greatest hits. All two of them.

Then we hit a road block (toll booth)  to cross the George Washington Bridge. The toll collector demanded $15.00 to travel across this outdated rusty ass bridge. I paid reluctantly.

We gracefully cruised over and ventured in. The minute we turned onto 42nd street our vehicle was ambushed by a 97 year old Rastafarian with purple teeth and a severe eye infection. He was equipped with water filled spray bottles attempting to wash our windshields for $175.00 plus tax. Drying the windows was an additional charge of course.

Driving the car around the NYC, block by block, avenue by avenue trying to locate a parking garage is personally a favorite of my wife’s. Not so much for me. I would rather jump into a lions den wearing a rib eye steak sweater and edible roast beef underwear after bathing in cat nip. Finding parking in NYC is terrible.

My wife believes the three hours it takes to park is an invitation for her to people watch and document all the different walks of life that flourish within the great City.

For instance, she was greatly amused by the middle aged white man wearing his 1970’s gum stained gym shorts and a Michael Jackson jacket riding a ladies pink ten speed as his teal green leg warmers pedaled him directly into an oncoming bus.

Her personal favorite was an Elton John like figure wearing a Tu Tu and a Viking helmet driving a scooter with construction boots and a fishing pole.

We finally parked and it was time to make our way to our destination. Walking in the city requires complete control of your physical presence along with a Yoga Instructor license, a third degree blackbelt in Karate and the ability to survive a good beating by Nancy Kerrigan.

The homeless community in NYC is a whole different element. Understanding people out there are truly less fortunate and have nothing, it’s hard to detect the true homeless from the scam artists. It is a known fact that many have a career posing as homeless and profit north of 80k per year as imposters. So here I am giving away my last dollar because I feel bad for these people and at the end of the day they go home in a Lexus and eat sushi as I suck on White Castle and sunflower seeds. Hopefully I donated to the ones in need.

As we arrived at Madame Tussaud’s we found our place on line. We were greeted by an overly friendly employee who in my opinion, took her job as a “hostess of wax people” a bit to serious.

It was our turn to buy tickets. The kind cashier lady informed me it would be $1100.00 for the adults and the kids are free. Haha. So I played along because it’s family day and I don’t want to be that embarrassing pissed off broke father who can’t afford a ring pop and three items at Five Below.

I must say, these freaky ass people constructed of clay had me all crazy. The detailed art work was incredible. Everything from the pores in the skin to the wrinkle in the clothing. Unbelievable. Ozzy Osbourne appeared so real he bit the head off my Twitter account.

The experience was worth every penny.

Next was dinner at a local establishment and I won’t even get into that. All I can say is a small seltzer with a lemon and a straw was $8.99 and three chicken wings with a side of napkins was $17.99.

Dinner was finally over and we headed back to our car to close out a great day as I felt financially, I was beheaded twice and my legs where ran through a wood chipper.

It’s not about the money. As a man I must complain because that’s what we do. It’s about the memories and quality time spent with family. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I thank God each and everyday for the family I have been blessed with.

Next time we are going to Chuck E Cheese and Pizza Hut and I’ll sculpt my my own ┬ápeople out of play dough.

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