Catholic Holidays. Are we confusing our children?.

I was raised Catholic. Growing up I attended CCD once a week. I know the basics of the Catholic Church and I can perform a mean genuflect. I know the first verse of “Our Father” and when it comes to the “Hail Mary” I lip sing this iconic religious hymn like Milli Vanilli at the Grammy Awards!

I never understood the connection between our Catholic holidays with the way we celebrate them. I’m still trying to make sense of how the birth of Jesus and a 573LB man with an extremely high cholesterol condition and the personal hygiene of a homeless fella who resides in Manhattan and drives a sleigh guided by 8 reindeer gets his fat ass down our chimney that most of us don’t have and consumes our whole milk and Christmas cookies? It’s a mystery. We play along because making sense of this is nothing short of an invitation to a three year olds birthday party hosted by Charles Manson.

Easter is around the corner. The resurrection of Jesus. As our children patiently await a six foot alcoholic bunny rabbit who breaks and enters our home to leave a basket of jelly beans submerged in green plastic grass that causes cancer in the state of California and Cadbury Eggs really explains how Jesus rose from the dead. It’s a powerful connection.

The fact we use poisonous food coloring solutions to dye our eggs and arrange hunts as our children search for them filled with quarters and marshmallow sticky ass yellow birds coated with diabetes most definitely sheds light on how Jesus overcame unbelievable odds to resurrect and define our religion.

This year for Easter my children are asking for IPhone accessories, a gallon of Elmers glue to make slime, and glitter so I feel we are taking a step in the proper direction to help them understand the meaning of this holiday.

I have decided to change it up this year. We will wake our children up this upcoming Easter morning and we are driving to the local cemetery to dig up Grandpa and he will resurrect.

Hopefully they will make the connection. Continue reading “Catholic Holidays. Are we confusing our children?.”