Is it ok to be “Friends” with your children?

Do you consider your child a friend? Obviously depending on the age of your children this topic may not resinate or pertain to you at this point in your life.

I am the father of soon to be 12 year old twin boys. They are at the age I would consider allowing them to enter my exclusive ring of friendship. A sacred ring that includes me, myself and I as I have no friends except that imaginary “friend” list on social media.

I’m 42 years old. Washed up and married. Nobody likes me. Nobody wants to hang out with me. So you bet your ass when these two little shits want to be friends with me and chill I’m embracing their friendship offering faster than Mike Tyson signing up for free speech therapy.

I completely understand the whole concept of why parents sometimes say “don’t be friends with your children.” I believe you can balance friendship and parenting. That’s just my opinion. Parenting is unique and is handled differently within each family. I never judge how other parents raise their children. Unless you walk in their shoes, keep your pie hole shut.

Raising our children in this unpredictable world full of evil, temptation, uncertain chemical imbalances and many more unimaginable challenges our youth will face will naturally raise our guard as concerned parents. This occasionally blinds and prevents us from truly connecting with our children at times.

Besides the fact I am a loser Dad with my only friend being Alexa, the speaker who listens to my demands and appears to be the only “Family member” to communicate with me, I take all opportunities to connect with my boys. I enjoy “friend mode” with my guys. This mode consists of making silly YouTube videos, playing sports, doing arts and crafts and discussing various ways to scare the shit out of our their mother.

Today my wife and I were stumped. Our children learned about the reproductive system in school. We had no choice but to switch from “friend mode” to “laughing parent serious no bullshit mode” as we asked our boys what they learned on the topic. Both of my kids faces blushed up like Ronald McDonald at a Brothel.

We understood this was a new topic for them and they were finally understanding the process of how they got here on earth. So we asked them reluctantly, how did mommy and daddy create you guys? They both chuckled as ketchup laced tater tots oozed out of their nostrils and began to explain in the only uncomfortable, shy, embarrassed way young boys could. In a well organized harmonic unit that can only be described as two cats in heat about to become chicken lo mein, they replied, “Dads sperm went to moms egg and that made us.” Safe to say my kids are the next Steven Hawkins.

They both disappeared into the abyss we call the web. Most likely to Google “How did Mom & Dad create us?” and landed on some vintage porn site with two fornicating cavemen.

So naturally we crapped our pants laughing. We proceeded to ask, “what is that called?” It took about 15 minutes before we got an answer but finally our son Jake whispered under his breath, “Sex.”

In all of my twelve years as a parent I was lost for words. I am never lost for words as most of you know. I looked at my wife and whispered, “At least now they know why our bedroom door is locked on the last Sunday morning of every month for 98 seconds.” I can’t even make it through a Lionel Ritchie “Greatest Hit.” My poor wife.

It was that moment I realized I would never be friends with these boys again. Our friendship was fun while it lasted. We will meet again in the bar for a beer and some grub when you grow up and realize you will never know more than your parents. Until then our relationship will consist of phone, car and credit card confiscation, curfew time reductions, extreme home chore responsibilities and anything else your mother and I can hopefully do to raise respectable young men in an impossible world. I wish us and all of you the best of luck!

Almost time for that talk that I never had with my father and I’m not even sure if this talk even exists. With all of the knowledge available to our children today I feel like the importance and integrity of “The Talk” is gone.

My point is this. Be parents. Be friends. Be mentors. Be role models. Be heroes. Be an example. Be whatever your children need you to be. There is no definitive strategy in raising our children. Do what’s good for you and them.

I would love to hear your feedback on this topic. That is if you are lucky enough to be raising these life sucking, money draining, IPhone hoarding, Miley Cyrus tweeting, preventer of sex with my wife little bastards!!!!! 😁

Still love them with all my heart and would be lost without them!