Our children and today’s school homework load!

The educational process has changed since I was a kid. It all seemed so simple back then. Everything from the bus transportation to the homework assignments has become a difficult and impossible task for these poor kids today.

When we were growing and went to school the bus stop was simple. Get your ass to the destination or you had to walk back home and tell your pissed off parents you missed the bus as they were late for work as well. There was only two outcomes. You were either beat down with a burnt pancake or you were tossed in the vehicle and driven to school as your mom & dad spilled coffee all over the cars console and argued over the rising costs of a pack of cigarettes.

Back in the day a bus didn’t stop 1700 times in front of each students house like they do today. We had one main bus stop per block and we needed to be there on time.  Rain, shine or Nor Easter!

If you were lucky enough to get on the bus the first thing you did was inhale the after burn residue of the bus drivers Camel cigarette as the overwhelming aroma of dirty vinyl seating crazy glue repairs consumed you. The floors of the bus were laced with rotten banana peels. Once you found your seat you looked up and recognized the bus drivers burnt end frizzy ass perm reflection in the 3ft rearview mirror as they rapidly chewed gum like a coked up Mr. Ed and waited for you to make a mistake so they could slam the brakes and tell you to sit the f$&@ down. It was an adventure. In the end you ice skated off the bus as the driver smiled at you with a mouth full of halitosis and wished you a good day as their front teeth popped out and trickled down the vehicles exit stairway like three fat Italian men tossing dice at their mothers funeral.

We survived.

Today is so different. Especially with homework assignments.

When I went to school you owned one Def Leppard trapper keeper for all subjects, a science book you took home and protected with a supermarket brown shopping bag, a #2 authentic lead pencil that caused your finger to fall off if you accidentally stabbed yourself and a lunch box signed by the lead singer of Night Ranger containing a stale bologna sandwich. Simple. You were prepared to learn.

Today is much different. My kids need scoliosis treatment and require a “live in” chiropractor to adjust their spinal chords on a daily basis just to help embrace the 178 pound back pack they must carry around like they are troops preparing to fight a war in Afghanistan. It’s math people. Why do my sons come home like they are landing on the beaches of Normandy?

It’s very unnecessary.

Unfortunately thats the way it is today. I believe the school financial budgets and cost of education has unfortunately compromised the quality of our children’s education. School systems depend more on the parents to get involved and help assist in the kids learning assignments. Big mistake.

I take nothing away from the hard working teachers and individuals who do the best they can to educate our children within the guidelines of the curriculum they must follow. I applaud and respect you all. Thank you.

But remember this. Parents like my wife and I are three steps away from being pushed around in a motorized go kart with a rusted helmet and a feeding tube attached to our temple. We are not smart. The only reason my wife and I graduated high school is because we both ran the 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds the morning of graduation day. My wife’s knockers bounced up and down like a sewing machine as I pranced around the track like an Ethiopian carving a turkey. It was truly inspirational but we got it done.

This had nothing to do with school or education. This was the process back then. They just wanted us out of the school system. I get it.

Today the schools expect the parents to contribute. Yeah. No!

When I came home from school I asked my parents to help me with a math problem. My dad took one look at the math question and instantly set it on fire and smacked my ass so hard that I never asked for educational help again. It was a simple time. I got the message.

Kids today present math problems to us parents with the new “Common Core” system. I don’t understand it or why they teach it but I’m sure they have their reasons. In my book 2 + 2 = 4. Pretty simple. My kids showed me a math problem the other day. It asked what is 3 + 9? Now I’m pretty dumb but I thought I had this. I said “12.” Good guess right? I’m all happy and I cracked a beer like I just solved world peace and my kids start crying like two Amish kids employed at Microsoft.

They said “No” dad. It’s 3 + 9 = 378 – 235 + 896 – 1289 = 9. So I did a shot of Tequila and said drop the hell out of school cuz I can’t help you.

Next day they signed up for a language class. It was Spanish. Next thing you knew my wife and I had 6 foreign exchange students from Guatemala roll up in a tinted out muffler less Toyota Celica with white windshield wipers low on power steering fluid move into our bedroom closet with Derek Jeter engraved front teeth and Pablo Escobar trapper keepers. I assumed these were the Spanish tutors? I was confused but I just went with it and figured if things didn’t work out they could dig a few holes or demo a few construction projects for me.

I feel today our school systems are so financially tarnished the kids are not getting the proper education and guidance they need and deserve. Teachers within today’s systems do the best they can with what they have to work with but ultimately I believe the education process depends too much on parents who are not capable of assisting our children as we just grew up and learned in a different era.

Growing up my dad was capable of counting to 20 simply because that was the amount of cigarettes in a pack. Simple math.

I sometimes feel like we as parents today are the stepping stone to the next educational generation leap. Makes sense. Our children are learning today’s systems and will be able to pass on the future of education to their children. I don’t agree with many of these programs and policies but I have no influence.

In closing my fellow parents, we have a pass. When your children come home with homework and unsolvable math problems, just look them in the eye and explain we did our best but can’t help you. It will now be up to you to train and guide the next generation into a world of uncertainty and improbability. Good luck.

Do a shot of Tequila and call it a day. It will all work out in the end.