Summer camp is over. WTF do we do now?

Summer camp is over. Wtf do we do now??? Whether your child attended sleep away, half day or full day camp, we must now try and fill the hours of the day we so happily paid for to have our children raised by others! This is a challenge on all levels.

For my wife and I it was half day camp. 8:30am to 11:30am. No big deal. Actually it was a very big deal. Three hours per day. Fifteen hours per week. A lifetime of silence when you are a parent. An opportunity to get shit done. Camp, you will be missed dearly.

The hardest part about camp was getting the boys up and out of bed to actually get them there. Let’s face it, it’s 110 degrees outside and these kids have no desire to participate in outdoor dodge ball tournaments orchestrated by a couple of puberty challenged teeny boppers earning $2 per hour. Laying in bed Snap Chatting about a friends “Lit” post is much more exciting for them. Kids are forced into these camps against their will. Sorry young ones. Someday you will become parents and understand these harsh, radical decisions.

Three hours seems like a minimal amount of time. A fraction of the day. It’s not. It’s 180 minutes of relaxation. Stress free. A moment to enjoy peace and quiet. A break from the reality of children demanding food, complaints of boredom, sibling rivalries, constipation issues and anything else that comes along with the daily chaos of parenting.

I took full advantage of the three childless hours I so gracefully forked over my hard earned money for. Often I would send my wife early morning text messages as I’m working stating “Hey, kids are at camp, what’s up?” She would reply “No shit asshole. I dropped them off. I’m sleeping. I’m tired. Go back to work.” That usually put a damper on things for a moment but I was determined to get my “Camp Tuitions” money’s worth. I based my expected return of investment on the current “hooker market value” and figured I would need three solid hours of intimacy with my wife throughout the camp session to break even. So I continued to badger her until she surrendered and threw up her exhausted arms in a fury of disgust “Fine, hurry up. You have five minutes and I’m just gonna lay here and sleep. Do what you like.” I buckled myself in and raced home. Kicked the front door open like John Claud Van Dam auditioning for the Rockettes and shouted “I only need two minutes.” It was a win win for all. I will miss these tender moments between my wife and I. A true romantic bonding experience.

We are all faced with the impossible challenge of filling the time with our children for the remaining days of summer. My wife has supplied me with a list of options and suggestions to close out the summer days with our family. They are as follows. Bronx Zoo. Great Adventure. Museum of Natural History. Dinner five nights per week. Broadway shows. Myrtle Beach. Zip Line. Sky Diving. Cooking classes. Family yoga. Snorkeling. Cruise. Disney world. Disney Land. Shopping. What? Might as well include a trip to Italy and a meet and greet with Justin Timberlake while you’re at it.

Ok babe. Let’s start with Disney World and work our way back. Who the hell does she think I am? I’ll do the Bronx Zoo and Snorkel in my moms pool and call it a day.

We all try and do as much for our kids as possible. Create memories. I understand. Kids just don’t get it. Raising a family in today’s world is a huge (Omg I just sounded like Trump. Shoot me.) financial obstacle. We chose to have a family so we must not complain. We manage.

First day of school is right around the corner. Hang in there Moms & Dads. Eight hours of heaven awaits us all!

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