In life there are certain daily events and situations that can be quite irritating. Some more than others. Below are some examples for me personally. I’m sure most of you can relate to some of them.
Very annoying. It’s even worse when your 78 year old sun weathered waitress named Flo supporting seven grandchildren does it. I understand she works “hard for her money” but stop blowing bubbles and snapping your piece of bazooka in my face as you take my food order. And then proceed to do it again when you drop the check off and say “Thanks doll” in your best smokers cough accent. Stop cackling. Unless you’re Dolly Parton it doesn’t work.
Use of Public Bathrooms
It’s never our first choice but sometimes we need to go. You spend 20 minutes cleaning up what appears to be a sextuplet natural childbirth on the toilet seat and surrounding walls. You finally sit down and get ready to make a deposit and some person sits right next to you. You feel a bit embarrassed and try to be considerate and release your poop quietly and this fat fuck blows a rhinoceros out of their ass. Did you even clean the toilet seat first you animal?
I respect anybody that gets up and goes to work. You should take employment seriously and always do your best. If you happen to be my counter help and I place an order with you, either remember it without question or write it down. Don’t look at me and yes me to death like you have the memory of an elephant only to repeat and ask me what my order was again and again and again. If you are not sure of the order, please use the new invention of pen and paper. Works every time.
For the most part this isn’t that aggravating. It’s not even the actual riding that bothers me. It’s the uniforms. Don’t get me wrong, some of these men are sexy as hell with bulging calf muscles, nice pectorals and a golden bronze tan. I’m on board with that. That’s hot. It’s the 59 year old accountant that hasn’t lifted a weight since high school football double sessions. He hasn’t seen the sun in 17 years and he looks like a rendition of “Teen Wolf”. Yeah stop that. Hide in your closet until Monday morning when it’s time to get dressed and go back to work.
I don’t know about anybody else but I show my affection to my wife in private. I believe that’s how it should be. Why you all feel the need to show your affection in front of 17 Hasidics, a Mexican soccer team, 24 kids with their pants around their ankles and Chinese tourists with selfie sticks is mind altering. Do you think it’s attractive watching you ride down the mall escalator with your Red Robin greasy ass hands shoved down your girls skin tight Jordache jeans with ju ju bees dangling from your lower lip? Do you think getting to sloppy second with your chick wedged up against the Wetzel Pretzel kiosk is sexy? It’s not. If I tried to squeeze my wife’s ass in public she would crack me over the head with a fire hydrant.
Woman taking public phone call
When you are on a line and the phone rings, hit ignore. That’s why the button is there. I can’t stand when that woman (and you know the type I’m talking about) picks up her phone and her best friend Marsha from Florida is on the other line and they start discussing little Howard’s college tuition. Pick that conversation up after you have paid for your groceries lady. We don’t care if your husband Harold won a toaster oven at Walmart.
Public body exposure
This is terrible. All bodies are different. We are who we are and that’s wonderful. You should love yourself. But please don’t flaunt it if you ain’t got it. If your hips are dragging on the floor please don’t wear a g-string. If you use your belly spare tire as a dinner napkin, please cover up. If your boobies resemble eggplants on steroids, wear a bra. Guys, if your back fat roll is connected to the knee cap, please don’t wear a tank top. Thanks people.
Driving Old Cars
Let’s not get it twisted. I am not referring to restored classic muscle cars. I can watch them drive by all day long. I’m speaking of the 56 foot rusted asbestos Megaladon barreling down the road consuming 1 and a 1/2 miles per gallon polluting Earth. Donate that shit to 1-800-Cars for Kids and get with the times. They don’t even fit in parking spots anymore.
Fake Sun Tans
If you wake up on Christmas morning and you look as if you crawled out of a Volcano something is wrong. If you went on vacation the prior week that’s great. If not, please control how tan you get in January. At least during the summer months you tend to blend in a bit better. Seeing your roasted red pepper facade up against a pile of beautiful white snow is disturbing. Either stop the excessive tanning or walk around wrapped in a garbage bag until June. Thanks in advance.
These are only some of life’s aggravating moments. I’m sure you all have many as well. Would love to here about it. Please share!