Critical survival tips for a healthy relationship & marriage!

To all my married guys and gals. I’m not Dr Phil although our hair styles are very similar. Please stop going to therapy. Stop attending marriage counseling and taking advice from a professsional certified divorcee! Just please stop that. This is my free consultation to you. It’s simple and true and I rarely tell the truth so pay attention.

To be completely honest though, I needed Air Supply Pandora Radio to get through this post. That shit is inspirational.

1) If your significant other says they are going out for a gallon of milk and you believe they are en route to bang the bus boy / girl at Denny’s, it’s not gonna work. No trust, no relationship. I’ll just get that one out of the way now. It’s the key component to any healthy relationship. Guys, stop reading this post right now if you believe your child could be fathered by the waiter from Dennys! Ladies, if you honestly think your husband is capable of bedding a 22 year old woman at this point in his life, you are giving him way to much credit. He can’t last 3 minutes with you. A 22 year old would make his pee pee disintegrate.

2) If one of you thinks another person is attractive (celebrity or normal human) and you take that personal, run. It’s normal. Who gives a shit. There are more attractive people than you. That’s a fact! Embrace, move on! My wife still thinks Flavor Flav is hot. How do you think that makes me feel? I respect her feelings.

3) If you don’t look at your partner and think they are just as beautiful as the day you met, it’s not gonna work. As a matter of fact, your partner should become more attractive to you each and every day. Personally, my wife gets prettier each day. I still get a chubby when she grazes by me with a mouth full of tortilla chips as her boobs drag along the hallway floor. Mother of my children. Puts up with my shit. This chick is a freakin super model in my eyes.

4) If you are only having sex on your birthday or when your partner is 6 seconds from an accidental overdose, they are banging somebody else. Period. You must do it twice per week, no exceptions. It’s important! I don’t want to hear about you being tired. We are all tired. Pull your panties down. It only takes most of us a minute or two. However, make sure you have that crazy kind of love making from time to time. You know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, get out of your relationship. Now.

5) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Do I really have to get into this? I hope not. If I have to explain to any of you how to respect your life partner, you not only will fail in the relationship, you will fail in life. Respect everybody and all life. Most importantly the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. For most of us, the parent of your children. That bond alone demands a lifetime of commitment and respect.

6) I love you. The three most important words that are the building blocks of any relationship. Hard to say at first. I get it. Once you feel it, you must say it. Then continue to say it each and everyday. It makes us all feel important. It’s essential.

There are so many other factors that contribute to a healthy, lasting relationship. To me it’s simple. I love my wife with all my heart. My kids are my world. I respect and cherish what I have. I count my blessings each day.

Stop going to therapy. If you can’t follow these simple guidelines, the relationship you are in is not right for you!

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