Writers block. The struggle is real. Not sure what that actually is but I think I have it. I may just be constipated but I seem to be a bit foggy lately.
Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not a writer. I have never read a book. I misspelled my name on my high school SAT’s. If it wasn’t for google and spell check I would be nothing more than a New York City crackhead romance novelist. I am NOT a writer. But I like to write!
Regardless, I feel a sense of blockage. I’m trying to be creative and muster up a story in my traditional fashion and all I keep coming up with is a stupid story about my wife’s anus. It’s boring. I’m 29 seconds away from shoving an
M-80 between her eyebrows in order to create some new material. I’m committed. I’ll do whatever it takes.
When I started this blog, I never really thought it through. I figured I would jot down a few stories and you would all forget about me. My wife would eventually cut off my wiener and shove it down my throat. We would all live happily ever after.
Well, my wiener is still in tact. For now. I’m addicted to writing this blog and I just can’t find anymore stories about my wife’s butthole so I’m at a crossroad.
I guess now I will start to discuss my mother in laws butthole. Probably not a good idea. That’s a Puerto Rican anus. A Spanish anus is serious. They need to be featured in “The Museum of Natural Spanish Anuses”. These fuckers are fluent in 7 languages. Give them a kidney bean and their asshole craps out Justin Beiber along with the club version of Despacito! Better judgement is to stay away. That shit talks back. Rapidly. Yaya will kick my ass but I’m desperate. She would not hesitate for a minute to cut me up with a taco supreme while listening to Tito Puente! I’m in trouble for this one!
I have a big mouth. My brain is filled with chaos. That being said, I’m jammed up. I am sorry. Never thought I would experience this but I have. No worries. I will take a trip to Walmart and troll Facebook. The “material well” will be filled once again.
The reality is this. Life around my house has been boring the past week or so. There hasn’t been any inspirational moments. The family is catching on to me. My wife installed a silencer on her ass and my kids avoid confrontation with me at all costs. So I’m fucked. I need to create atmosphere. I need motivation. I need drama.
I will start by taking a crap on my wife’s frontal lobe while she is asleep. Hopefully this action will stir up the pot a bit. I will then proceed to light my children’s cell phones on fire during the Kids Choice Awards. I will pour a bottle of A1 steak sauce into my eyeball. If I can’t get a rise out of these people after this I’m moving to North Korea.
I’m taking up gymnastics!
I’ll keep you all posted!
This is not my last post 😜