Top 10 “Useless” Occupations.

Most of us must put our time in and hold an occupational position as we navigate through this journey known as life. It’s necessary to survive. We work hard, no matter what our employment duties may be, in order to better our lives & the lives of our families.

Job titles and employment status vary from person to person. Some more prestigious than others.

Then there are those employment positions that must be filled by somebody. I personally have a hard time understanding how a human being could possibly engage and perform some of these positions within the workforce. Somebody has to do it I guess.

I compiled a list of the worst and/or pointless forms of employment.

10. Jehovah Witness.

Not sure if this practice is even considered an “occupation”. Regardless, if you’re gonna pair up, dress in yellow suits, knock on my door at 8:30am on a Sunday, hand me biblical reading material trying to guide  me toward Jesus, you better have a Bloody Mary, 3 Advil and a Bacon, Egg & Cheese with SPK.

9. Taco Bell Porter

This poor bastard has the responsibility of cleaning the bathrooms within these establishments. Between the employees & customers blowing up these toilets after consuming a bakers dozen of Chalupas, this does not seem like a desirable work environment.


8. Costco Receipt Clerk

I walk out of Costco with 1700 items and this employee pretends like they are checking off everything in my cart and has the balls to say “you’re good.” Really Costco receipt guy. Really? How about the Red onion I shoved down my pants. Missed that one I guess. Job requirements. Must be able to draw a circle with a sharpie and pretend to be “Rain Man”

7. The Easter Bunny

I’ve always wondered how they actually fill the “Easter Bunny” position. Does this process involve auditions? Who decides which individual retains the qualifications to endure such a challenging task which includes dressing up as a 6 1/2 foot rabbit, sweat to death and scare the piss out of little children in the beginning of April. I believe selecting the proper candidate to fulfill this position takes careful planning and detailed human selection.

6. Bathroom Attendant

When I go to the bathroom, I don’t need a man hovering over me dressed in a three piece suit with gold teeth handing me a wet nap after I wash my hands. Why should I have to feel the uncomfortable silence as this worker gazes at me like I should give him a tip for this transaction. I have arms. I can get my own napkin. Get the hell out of my way and don’t try and squeeze me for a dollar because you are offering “orange tic tacs” and “Drakkar Noir.” I know your tricks.

5. Home Depot Employee

There’s a giant sign before you enter the store. “We are hiring. If you use drugs do not apply.” Ok. I would like to know what the employees are medicated with because I asked a gentleman in the “Plumbing Dept” where the toilet bowls were and he needed assistance to answer my question. The employee the other day in “Lumber” was sucking on a pressure treated 2 x 4. Not sure what is going on in that franchise. They need to reconsider their hiring tactics.

4. Bagel Shop Counter Help

When we enter the establishment it is generally early in the day. Most are on their way to work. All we want is our coffee and bagel and be on our merry little way. When we give you the order, write it down. There is nothing more aggravating than having an employee stare you directly in the eye and pretend to process your order. As they begin to make the order they ask “Did you say milk?” How many sugars?” “Did you want the bagel toasted?”. Honestly, my blood is boiling writing this. Order is finally complete and they have no idea how to use the register. Very, very frustrating.

3. Mechanic

Not sure why these assholes even exist. Never fails. I bring my car in for an oil change and a light bulb replacement and the following day my transmission shits the bed. Fucking crooks.

2. Lincoln – Matthew McConaughey

I like him as an actor. He flat out sucks as a car salesman. Has anybody ever jumped off their couch and ran to the Lincoln dealership after one of his commercials? Personally, when I see a Lincoln vehicle on the road I want to blow it up. I can’t stand those commercials. Alright, alright, alright. Stick to acting bozo!


Who would ever want this position.


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