- What happened to our sense of humor? Our laughter? The ability to separate ourselves from the daily stress of life & the “touchy” subjects within the world that has the tendency to “ruffle our feathers?”
The political bullshit we have all been subjected to within our social media streams & news outlets is unacceptable. It is impossible to determine “genuine” information from what is “fake news”. It has stripped many of us from our protective guard. It has scrambled our minds. We have lost our way.
In life, laughter is a must. We must be able to embrace a joke. Take a breath. Have the ability to separate the bullshit from the important shit. It’s a fine line.
The topics that have uncontrollably divided our nation must sometimes be taken with a “grain of salt.” Unfortunately, levels of hate have been planted, grown & now roam freely amongst us all. It’s amazing to see how we have regressed a 100 years within our social human existence while technology thrives and controls each & every move our human race engages in. Sad. Truly. We are all puppets. Trained within the schematics of life and what it has in store for us. The more I actually pay intention the more I realize. The fact I’m writing this as “Dan Hill” serenades me on “Pandora. Radio” is living proof we have lost our way. Who the fuck is “Dan Hill?” He’s terrible but I think I know this song.
We now have sex robots. “Bionic Sex Robots.” I can’t even walk up the steps without running out of breath and contracting laryngitis. I must now compete with a “sex robot” who can download “Air Supply’s Greatest Hits” through WIFI and bounce on my Wife like a “Whack-A-Mole.” I can’t compete with the sexual future. I have been sucking on my rescue inhaler for the past hour & pressed “life alert” multiple times just to get through this post! I’m fucked. I’m currently in the market for a woman in her 80’s who enjoys sewing and frequent visits to the “Arthritis Specialist.”
Turn back the time to discussions of slavery that has been reintroduced into our society. White supremacy? Are there actually still dudes with acne dressed up like Casper marching the streets of Alabama? This has honestly turned my stomach and makes me want to fucking vomit. I would never disrespect or make light of what transpired during that horrific moment of our pastime. It is a “pastime.” I don’t have to be educated. We all coexist and live together in our world today. We face much greater obstacles. The color of your skin in my eyes means nothing. I’m married to a “Half Puerto Rican” who releases more gas than a “Yellowstone” geyser and I don’t give a shit. She gets dark in August and that’s sexy. She gave me two beautiful children consisting of 25% Puerto Rican decent who spend the majority of their life clogging my toilet like they are the offspring of “Harry” from “Dumb & Dumber.” I embrace it. I love it.
I have a brother Joey (obviously on the far right of this photo) who is a 100% product of a black father. My mother denies these allegations but no white man in the history of life gets so dark in August and asked to host the “BET Awards.” Makes no difference to me. I’ve loved this Mulatto brother like a “brother.” But then he becomes an avid bow hunter and that makes me believe he is actually a legitimate white man. I never heard of a black man sitting in a tree for a week in Arkansas spraying deer piss on himself like he’s one of those women at Macy’s during Christmas time with 18” eyelashes, halitosis & a severe case of “camel toe” trying to sell me a 379 Oz. container of “White Diamond.”
For me personally, I don’t give a frogs fat fucking anal constipated water tight ass crack what color you are. You could be “Pastel Green.” I don’t give a fuck. Are you kidding me? If you treat me with respect, your color does not matter to me. Ever. At least in my world. I will never sit here and try to understand what men & women had to endure during the era of slavery. I have zero knowledge of what took place except the one time I watched “Roots” in the fifth grade
featuring the father from “Good Times.”
History is important but it’s not our current way of life. That’s why it’s “History.” If we are friends and you happen to be black, yellow, green, purple or pink I will hug and kiss you as I recently did with my boy Barnell when I ran into him at the “Lowes Home Goods Center. This dude is so black I couldn’t locate him as he was hanging out in front of the “Tar Paper.” When I saw him I embraced him. I kissed & hugged him like he was my Italian Grandmother. Don’t get me wrong, I had to perform that “black handshake” routine and use words I learned from Ice Cubes character in “Boyz in the Hood” but you get the point. The color of his skin was irrelevant. We haven’t seen each other in years. He is my friend. I am blind to color. Don’t bring that bullshit racist crap around me. He did smell like “Cocoa Butter” and when we embraced his package rubbed up against me like he had a “ground hog” in his pants. Racially profiling? No. It’s a joke. We are friends. He also mentioned when he rubbed up against me it felt like a “toothpick” rubbed up against him and I smelt like “Saltines.”
If you disagree go jump off a fucking bridge. I’ll drive you to the highest point. Life’s about laughter. Don’t bring your negativity around here.
We now live in a world of uncertainty. It’s chaotic. Unpredictable. Uncomfortable. It’s reality.
What we need to do is stop taking everything so seriously. Stop being so politically correct. Next time you enjoy a bike ride where you could possibly be flattened and removed from this earth as your children navigate through life without a parent think about those who actually were the victims. Think about the opportunities you have while you are still here and enjoy, relax & laugh as much as you can. It’s important.
I personally enjoy laughter. Telling a joke. A “White Lie”. Bending the truth. Fabrication. Whatever I can do to tell a story that holds some truth but can make people step outside their comfort zone and escape the harsh reality of life for a minute. What I can’t stand are those individuals who take life so literal & serious. They can never enjoy the miserable life they live. Cracking a smile is never a part of their daily routine and they always seem to sit and wait, stalk, prey and attempt to expose the ones who try and live a relaxed, “not so serious” life. I have news for you “Mary Fucking Poppins” of life. You better get the fuck away from me because not only will I teach you how to shove your “Great Grandmas” nightgown up your asshole on “Flag Day” I will eventually make you laugh about it. So get lost.
I’m honestly tired of all the offensiveness & people strolling through life on eggshells. Here’s the reality of our world. Like it or not. We wake up. We brush our teeth. If you have been blessed to have a family & a lifelong partner you must deal with, well that is ultimately a fucking nightmare day in and day out. But that’s the life you chose and be grateful. To the ones who don’t have the responsibility of raising the “Miracle of life” & satisfying a “ Soulmate”, you are lucky. Unless you are that “Tony Little” guy with blonde hair extensions prancing on that Gazelle machine at 3am it’s impossible. I try and rise to the occasion. I turn on the shower that takes 38 minutes to warm up. You attempt to arrange a quickie with your lover. That usually results with soap in the eye or massive amounts of egg yolk thrown at your hairline. After rejection from your lover we must now perform a job we all despise as we commit sexual harassment. We accept. We perform. We complain. We wake up. Repeat. We get arrested. That’s life as we know it.
Honestly. Stop being so flakey. It’s annoying. When you see something funny please laugh. Don’t live your life so serious and politically correct. Find the humor in life. Try and smile 😜! Step outside the box once in a while. We only have one shot at this thing called life.
“You may still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not”……Cat Stevens.